12.31.08

dear oakland: how poetic it was for me to happen upon this tore-up weave strewn upon the sidewalk at the bart station tonight.

12.30.08

dear morrow’s nut house: i am sad to learn you are closing shop after 70 years, due to the “changing marketplace, buyer demographics, and nut sale trends.” i do appreciate the nut lady’s suggestion of turning the space into a brothel though.

12.29.08

dear portland, maine (part 2): you kind of make me think of charles dickens’ london. minus the cholera outbreaks.

12.28.08

dear portland, maine: did you hire dr. seuss to design your holiday lights?

12.27.08

dear portland harbor hotel: i like the sentiment behind the chocolate lobster that you left on our bed after you turned down the covers.

12.26.08

dear barry: thank you for so proudly displaying your caché of what remains of the dead animals that you hunted this year. sometimes i am not sure if people in california believe that maine characters like you exist beyond my stories.

12.25.08

dear christmas: today was a good day.

12.24.08

dear lily: i appreciate your enthusiasm. for the most part.

12.23.08

dear maine: i’m home.

12.22.08

dear planet earth: when i fly above your clouds, i can understand why so many people believe heaven is in the sky.

12.21.08

dear fireplace: you were the perfect place for me to read the tales of beedle the bard near.

12.20.08

dear boyfriend: i think your favorite christmas gift was this head lamp that i put in your stocking on a whim.

12.19.08

dear hercules: you, in your seasonal sweater, were the center of attention at the company holiday party this year.

12.18.08

dear yerba buena lane: after two years of hearing the noisy construction of the cjm behind my office, i am happy to enjoy the well-planned civic park you have transformed into.

12.17.08

dear very good hair cut: i could help you with your brand identity, but it seems as though you have it covered.

12.16.08

dear san francisco: it was so cold today that i had to wear mittens. one of the main reasons i chose to move here from the far north, was to avoid such catastrophes.

12.15.08

dear macy’s basement: i think christmas threw up in you.

12.14.08

dear harvey milk: the work you did makes the work i do possible. more importantly, it made the world a better place for me and my friends to live our lives in.

12.13.08

dear santa: please don’t get arrested this year.

12.12.08

dear flood building: for years i worked on your 12th floor, and i still visit you to attend my pilates class. every december, i admire your classy holiday decor in the lobby-- fresh flowers, real trees, dried fruit ornaments. but this year, something went askew. you seem to have exchanged your victorian florist for a hipster taxidermist.

12.11.08

dear britex fabrics: you are so highfalutin with your couture textiles and snooty attitudes, but what’s up with this international male-esque gay fireman fabric? does anyone make curtains out of it?

12.10.08

dear armani cafe: i kind of hate you with your high and mighty attitude and slow service. but the architecture in your building is a lovely mix of old and new.

12.09.08

dear unidentified flying object: when i saw you floating above my neighborhood, i was a bit alarmed.

12.08.08

dear christmas tree: i love having you in our home, but it makes me sad to think you will be left alone for the main event.

12.07.08

dear tales of the city: i love how the illustrations on your bindings connect like your stories. i also love how the books, while somewhat trashy and not exactly well-written, are relevant despite being 30 years old. sometimes i think that i am mary anne singleton and i could also tell you who plays michael tolliver, mona ramsey, mrs. madrigal, deedee day and brian hawkins in my own tale.

12.06.08

dear mom: the pottery that we picked out (and you bought me) in ireland looks really cool with these berry branches I found at Whole Foods.

12.05.08

dear cable car gripmen: what happens if you don’t?

12.04.08

dear city carshare headquarters: the hallway to your office is rather foreboding. also, the pattern on the floor made me nauseous, but that might be because it smelled like pee. in my imagination, this is what asylums are like.

ps. i do enjoy your not-for-profit program despite this.

12.03.08

dear adobe cs4: thank you for the ability to design multi-page documents in illustrator. i have been not-so-patiently waiting for this feature since i was sixteen.

12.02.08

dear macy’s window display: i want to.

12.01.08

dear nob hill: i love it when the lollipop lights are strung from the trees in huntington park for the holidays. and the terrier in an argyle sweater beneath that one tree, that was a nice touch.