09.30.09

dear scott’s new kitties: so glad you liked the gift bag i got you better than any of the presents inside it. i spent a lot of time picking it out.

09.29.09

dear online computer course: i want to learn better xhtml skills from you, but you are really, really dry.

09.28.09

dear bad billboard designers of the universe: wow, white type on yellow? that is what we call unreadable.

09.27.09

dear s.u.v.s: this is an altogether too common phenomenon.

09.26.09

dear not-missing socks: my collection of you increases every time i do laundry, i don’t get it! my parents used to have a cat that ate my socks, but there is no explanation for this now. where are all your mates?

09.25.09

dear photo studio: another shoot for the greater good. today’s topic is diabetes.

09.24.09

dear new neighborhood: is that you in there, under the fog? i guess this is what happens when you come down from the hill and move near the beach.

09.23.09

dear apartment: we have decided to leave you, but i will miss the way you glow towards the street when i arrive home.

09.22.09

dear neighborhood eyesore: of course, now that i have signed a lease and am moving away, you are finally getting that much needed bath and new coat of paint.

09.21.09

dear broken promises: i can only imagine the scene where this vase was forcefully smashed against the stone wall on powell street, leaving shards of glass and dying flowers strewn across the sidewalk. was the cable car going by at that very moment?

09.20.09

dear napa: with the crush in full swing and temperature in the triple digits, it’s a perfect day for a flight of “warm weather whites.”

09.19.09

dear zarzuela: i love your food, but the problem i have with tapas is we always order way too many.

09.18.09

dear walgreens: how convenient, when i pick up toothpaste, i can buy a kit to determine my baby daddy in the next aisle.

09.17.09

dear soma architecture: i think you get underlooked, being south of market.

09.16.09

dear contemporary jewish museum: ok, i am intrigued.

09.15.09

dear billboard placements: on the left for chase bank, “let’s do better with banking, california.”

…on the right, “chukchansi gold casino. big. close.”

09.14.09

dear keyboard: after i spilled my soy latte on you, i pulled the four affected keys to clean them, only to discover how offensively filthy you were. so now i am in the process of pulling off all the keys and blasting your underbelly with condensed air.

09.13.09

dear wire fox terrier: i know, i know, i want you too!!!

09.12.09

dear rex cafe: though i don’t drink them myself (this is rocky’s) i am sure you must have the best bloody marys in town.

09.11.09

dear yo-cup: i love the wide selection of fresh, organic (whatever that means) fruit you have for your fro-yo.

09.10.09

dear boys elementary school: you make your kids run laps on nob hill every morning. i hated gym class at that age, but i never had it that bad.

09.09.09

dear sf planning council: i simply cannot believe what i am seeing. you are not already putting up the holiday snowflakes along market street?!?!?!

09.08.09

dear real food grocery store: do you have any soy milk?

09.07.09

dear 4-h club: i don’t really know what four h’s you stand for, but i find it fascinating that among your members are this gal hayley and her rooster, sniddles. (and i thought my tween years were awkward.)

09.06.09

dear goats: in keeping with the batman theme, i love your t-shirts and am surprised you don't eat them – especially since i later saw you snacking on an umbrella.

09.05.09

dear crazy bat man: i thought your hand made bat houses shop was quite charming until i noticed you, in your rocking chair, glaring at us from the corner.

09.04.09

dear diesel: not that it’s remotely obvious from this photo, but does placing jock straps in your window display draw a crowd? (in this town, probably.)

09.03.09

dear stockton tunnel: i decided to mix things up on my walk home today and walk through you, instead of over you. it was quite the adventure, complete with used syringes and a urine-scented breeze.

09.02.09

dear pretentious neighbors: do you really think your french “no parking in our drive” sign (or whatever it says, as i don’t speak the language of my ancestors, like 99.9% of the population here) is necessary, or are you just showing off?

09.01.09

dear nob hill gazette: badinage and bacchanalia? seriously? i do not think your magazine represents our neighborhood’s demographics. seriously.