05.22.10

dear crystal palace: how have you survived all the earthquakes for the last 130 years?

05.21.10

dear 826 valencia, san francisco’s only independent pirate supply store: arrr, now i know where to find that odd extra peg-leg or a parrot plank for my next plunder.

05.15.10

dear gryffin: your first trip to the groomer was a surprising success! i thought for sure, when i walked in to pick you up the groomer would be bandaged and you would still be scruffy and bedraggled. somehow you rallied and displayed “excellent” behavior. who knew?

05.14.10

dear mona lisa: is that why you smile?

05.13.10

dear francisco palóu: if you did indeed “found” san francisco atop a hill overlooking a rainbow, bedecked in an organic tweed poncho and birkenstocks, surrounded by psycadelic flowers and with a youthful naked guy clinging to your waist, you should be assured that your influence has prevailed.

05.12.10

dear purveyors of dead bugs: i have no need to pay $35 when these suckers die in my ceiling lamp for free.

05.11.10

dear paintings of good books on shelves: you are so cute, but where would i put you? next to my bookshelves?

05.10.10

dear men’s dress-up clothes: you are sooooooo boring.

05.09.10

dear cinta: you offer about a million other high-end salon services, but you and i both know what’s up when it comes to your expert eyebrow threader, ahn.

05.08.10

dear fellow express muni riders: thank you for waiting in line with me, it’s so much less stressful to know that when that bus chut-chuts along up to us, we will get on in an orderly, respectful and fair manner.

05.07.10

dear fudge: luckily i am too overwhelmed by the site of you to be tempted…

05.06.10

dear little red riding hood: i don’t recall the part where you get lost in the forest of marble columns outside emporio armani, but if you continue to head south for about four blocks, you will encounter lots of big bad wolves.

05.05.10

dear carla: i recall looking for “cording” with you in the fabric store in maine, and you were disappointed with their limited selection. today i found this whole floor of a rainbow of cords in sf, you should visit.

05.04.10

dear kaiser: i loathe your pharmacy process. i waited 1.5 hours for an otc-dosage of motrin.

05.03.10

dear yudu: took me eight (24-hour apiece) tries to start to get this right!

05.02.10

dear at&t park: i have to say, i am more into the red wine and gilroy garlic fries you serve in the ballpark than the actual game.

05.01.10

dear mayan spiced hot chocolate with salted caramel: i love you too.

04.30.10

dear asian… pinocchio?: so creepy. there’s always been something vaguely child-molestive about pinocchio to me anyway, but this bark-covered branch nose pushes it beyond that notion.

04.29.10

dear ducks: i just think you are pretty, that’s all.

04.28.10

dear zeus: i shot this standing in a downpour, looking at the blazing sky three feet away. is it raining? is it sunny? is it late april or early november? why can’t you decide?

04.27.10

dear tommy’s: hands down, you have the best margarita in town.

04.26.10

dear roses: gryffin and i would like thank you for gracing the air of this entire block with your fragrance.

04.25.10

dear yellow and blue plaid tom’s shoes: i know you will get filthy, but for now i love you.

04.24.10

dear cliffhouse: love the restaurant, hate the apostrophe.

04.23.10

dear giant bird houses: are you home to albatrosses?

04.22.10

dear ledson winery: i can’t believe you were originally built as a residence. you look like the mansion in flowers in the attic.

04.21.10

dear mom and company: i learned it by watching you – parents who drink wine, have kids who drink wine. and that’s a wonderful thing.

04.20.10

dear neighborhood revelers: a tea party on the sidewalk, how quaint!

04.19.10

dear fellow muni rider: sigh… really? on your way to a fur pile in the outer richmond?

04.18.10

dear gumball machines: you have “now supersized!” stickers on your orbs. is it a selling point? does anyone really need to chew supersized gumballs?

04.17.10

dear sf graffiti artists: i am trying to imagine your thought process when presented with a nice clean spread of wet cement on california street. what tempted you to use that opportunity to scrape, not your initials or shocking obscenities, but a recycling psa?

04.16.10

dear neighbors: these bumps i blogged about last fall have sprouted purple flowers! how fun.

04.15.10

dear mustaches: you have taken over the world of yipsters (which unfortunately, living in sf, i am surrounded by.) oh, you are so ironic and throwback, you adorn tote bags, pencils and walls. you are revered at post-post-mod theme parties. i myself, have attended two (albeit years ago, before you were so on trend.) but this is a fire hazard, and you have spread too far.

04.14.10

dear diary of anne frank: i really enjoyed your masterpiece theatre rendition. the art direction used light and texture beautifully, and the acting was awesome. go public broadcasting!

04.13.10

dear bloomingdale’s: are you selling cheez-it couture or did some stoned vandal break in last night and f* with your window display?

04.12.10

dear compass point gallery: thank you for once again, adorning the hallway to my office with an original artist showcase. despite earning a degree in fine art, i have never been enlightened by such insight as that of these prison inmates.

04.11.10

dear gryffin: i have been avoiding furnishing my apartment due to your destructive puppyhood, but today i decided it was finally time to move forward. you didn't even wait until the new sideboard was put together before you claimed it as your newest launchpad. great.

04.10.10

dear presidio of san francisco pet cemetery: I am so glad the people fought to save this place, it’s such a gem. one of my faves: “fang d’iguana, h. 1993, d. 2000. big and scary. mighty lizard. dear friend.”

04.09.10

dear vesuvio: i like your murals.

04.08.10

dear gryffin: i see you are ready for your centerfold! you might want to lose the (conspicuously armless) sock monkey if you are out to impress the ladies though.

04.07.10

dear bank of america atm: i spy a teachable moment for a social marketing campaign on littering.

04.06.10

dear house plant: i’m sorry.

04.05.10

dear diesel: i still hate your stupid campaign.

04.04.10

dear macabre taxidermied mice: um, wow.

04.03.10

dear world: for two months, i have been mostly stuck indoors, tied to computer or puppy. but i am back. stay tuned!

02.02.10

dear valentine’s day related capitalism/calories: bring it on.

02.01.10

dear gryffin: you make it so hard to get my blog updated, when you stare at me like that.

01.31.10

dear future bug-shaped cakes: i never knew i wanted to bake you, but now i do.

01.30.10

dear diet coke: i ♥ you too.

01.29.10

dear sf puppy prep: had lots of fun at the puppy social. 40+ puppies, their owners and 12 bottles of wine in a 20x20 foot room on a stormy san francisco night…