dear ocean beach: do you really need to warn us (every 20 feet) (and in four languages, five if you count universal symbols) that people can drown in the sea? i know you don’t want to get sued or have to scrape a bloated body off seal rocks, but your message kind of takes away from the glory that is going to the beach on a warm february morning.
dear mocha fridays: every other day of the week, i uncomplainingly enjoy a skim or nonfat soy milk latte. i get some calcium and the caffeine jolt i need to get going in the morning, without any sugar or empty calories. on fridays, however, i treat myself to a café mocha with whip (albiet nonfat milk) from madeleine’s– so amazing!
dear smart car: pros = ability to zip up and down hills to find and fit into tight parking spaces with ease, going green and an eye-level vantage point to unpredictable young/elderly pedestrians. cons = no backseat, risk of death by five-ton cable car and the appearance of being a total dweeb.
dear taquería: now i won’t name names because these are tough economic times. but i hope that your tagline’s promise of “authentic, snappy and distinctive flavors” doesn’t include cockroaches like this little guy who crawled under our table at lunch.
dear market and grant: i love that i can get my haircut and do my banking without leaving the block that i work on.
dear pepsi: am i the only designer in the world who actually loves your new euro-looking logo and the matching type-driven campaign? i think it’s a refreshing break from your endless attempt to compete with coca cola by comparing flavor and swooshy shapes with gradients, beads of water, and drop shadows. and it’s a little artsy/retro in a way you never see with mass-marketed american products like soda.
i would still choose coke over you any day – they have a better tasting product – but kudos!
dear being sick on a saturday: i didn’t leave the house today, but at least i had a little bit of the outside brought in…
dear boyfriend: i found the photo you secretly took (with my phone) of my toes peeking out from under the covers while i slept in this morning…
dear fellow muni riders: this is my biggest public transit pet peeve (and that is saying a lot.) when the seats are two to a row, and said row is empty, you should sit in the window seat. this way, the next person in need of a seat can easily sit beside you. just because you are a rude xenophobe (which in this case–red fleece jacket wearer–was exemplified by your later refusal to sit back down next to the black woman who made you move so she could at least sit by the window when you wouldn’t budge) does not mean you get an entire row to yourself on a crowded bus/train. get over it!
dear training car with no passengers: it is uncanny how, whenever i am running late, you are the only cable car that rolls by after i wait 20 painstaking minutes.
dear walgreens: i love tape. the smell of it, its myriad of uses, and most especially, covering packages in it to the point of waterproofedness. (this is a trait i have inherited from my mother’s side of the family.) i currently own the following types of tape: invisible scotch tape, transparent scotch tape, double-sided sticky tape, extra thick double sided sticky tape, masking tape, duct tape, painter’s tape, clear packing tape, brown packing tape, paper tape that you have to wet in order for it to stick, decorative metalic tape, white-out tape and even this iron-on tape for hemming (not that i sew.) however, all i needed today was a glue stick.
dear embossing technique: how is it that i have come this far in life, and not tried you before?
dear napa: it was worth the rain, crowds and traffic to sip on a range of reds at vineyards with my valentine all day.
dear puerto alegre: as always, your food was delicioso and the margs were bionic, but my favorite part is still the portrait of the parents (?) above the bar.
dear full moon: in person, you are the brightest spot in the city sky but in pixels, you are outshone by a streetlamp.
dear pet store: how smart you were to hire a salesdog! i don’t even have a pet but i almost bought some of those cookies after i saw his doleful-eyed sales pitch.
dear women’s bathroom door: as a symbol to represent all of womankind, i always found the generic but widely-recognizable graphic of a woman wearing a dress somewhat offensive. but i don’t think a barbie doll with a nail through her neck is the answer.
dear differences between rocky and i: we each received one piece of mail today. for me, a roth 401k investment statement. for him, a flier promoting the international conference on science and consciousness.
dear gap: i can see that you tried to be creative, however the rainbow gradient on your list of the four things you sell doesn’t really make those items exciting. i happen to frequent your store both for your high prevalence of reliable basics and proximity to my workplace, but after reading your poorly typeset list, i feel like only boring people should shop there. and as a consumer, i don’t want to feel boring. you are at the opposite end of the spectrum from h&m. maybe the two of you should get together and meet in the middle.
dear sf center for the book: i enjoyed your intro to letterpress printing workshop. i will definitely be back after i find 50 people to give my gossip-girl inspired valentines to.
dear oatmeal: i think you have been the most constant companion in my life. how long have we been together-- 20, 25 years? you don’t look a day older than 10. and to think of all the milestones you have played witness to. if teddy bears could speak…
