05.22.10

dear crystal palace: how have you survived all the earthquakes for the last 130 years?

05.21.10

dear 826 valencia, san francisco’s only independent pirate supply store: arrr, now i know where to find that odd extra peg-leg or a parrot plank for my next plunder.

05.15.10

dear gryffin: your first trip to the groomer was a surprising success! i thought for sure, when i walked in to pick you up the groomer would be bandaged and you would still be scruffy and bedraggled. somehow you rallied and displayed “excellent” behavior. who knew?

05.14.10

dear mona lisa: is that why you smile?

05.13.10

dear francisco palóu: if you did indeed “found” san francisco atop a hill overlooking a rainbow, bedecked in an organic tweed poncho and birkenstocks, surrounded by psycadelic flowers and with a youthful naked guy clinging to your waist, you should be assured that your influence has prevailed.

05.12.10

dear purveyors of dead bugs: i have no need to pay $35 when these suckers die in my ceiling lamp for free.

05.11.10

dear paintings of good books on shelves: you are so cute, but where would i put you? next to my bookshelves?

05.10.10

dear men’s dress-up clothes: you are sooooooo boring.

05.09.10

dear cinta: you offer about a million other high-end salon services, but you and i both know what’s up when it comes to your expert eyebrow threader, ahn.

05.08.10

dear fellow express muni riders: thank you for waiting in line with me, it’s so much less stressful to know that when that bus chut-chuts along up to us, we will get on in an orderly, respectful and fair manner.