07.27.09

dear monday morning: it’s just another manic commute, me with all the other commuters, clomp-clomping our feet as we descend the cement mountain.

07.26.09

dear tribal mask and stuffed dead animal store: it was a little creepy in here, and this image proves that there was definitely some strange energy in the air.

07.25.09

dear sun: welcome back. please stay.

07.24.09

dear mad men for banana republic: take a television series that, through it’s writing, glamorizes working in an advertising agency and mix it with two parts retail clothing chain that, through it’s collection, glamorizes working in an advertising agency, shake over ice, pour, add an olive and what you get is a dirty, brilliant advertising campaign.

07.23.09

dear children’s imaginations: sometimes i go into toy stores just to make sure i haven’t totally forgotten how to think about things that are outta this world.

07.22.09

dear naked statue boy on the sidewalk: i wonder who gave you those flowers?

07.21.09

dear vitamin water: major fail on this ad campaign. who would want to turn into carrie underwood? certainly no one in the san francisco market.

07.20.09

dear scaffolding: every time i walk beneath you in this earthquake-prone city, i feel like i have a death wish.

07.19.09

dear fernando: next time we get together to make cupcakes (it’s been awhile) we can make these terrier ones that look like charlie.

07.18.09

dear owly shadow puppets: i love your laser-cut valentines.

07.17.09

dear sketchbooks: i like how your maker filled old novel covers with blank pages but i am left wondering, what happened to the stories?

07.16.09

dear blood centers of the pacific: i have always liked your logo; it’s simple, clever and to the point. the accompanying type could use some work though.

07.15.09

dear muggles: thank you for being even more extreme fans than i, and making this moment magic.

07.14.09

dear half-blood prince: you are only moments away…

07.13.09

dear skinny hipster girls with big designer handbags: i notice there are a lot of you in this city. being more of a jacket/shoe person myself, i have never understood the big bag phenomenon. even less though, do i understand why you are walking around sporting limp, greasy hair and a tattered wife-beater, you drag your vans along the sidewalk as if the weight of the third world were upon your shoulders, and yet you apathetically clasp a $600 handbag (probably manufactured somewhere in said third world.) what do you store in it? a cute sweater? shampoo? or is that where you conceal your zest for life?

07.12.09

dear mr. potato head: did you ever dream you would someday sell couture menswear at barney’s?

07.11.09

dear french(?) bulldogs: i just can’t lie and pretend you are cute, i’m sorry.

07.10.09

dear louis vuitton: i never noticed your pride window display during the day.

07.09.09

dear orange scooter riding toddler: i appreciate your truly new-age approach to journeying the labyrinth. you cleared out all the tai chi-ers in search of their sense of time, space and inner harmony.

07.08.09

dear bus: i am always happy not to be on you when you whiz by me, going up the crazy hills. throwing all the passengers into one another’s laps/bags of plastic bottles.

07.07.09

dear swings atop the hill: some nights on the way home from work, i swing in you. despite the inevitable sand in shoes.

07.06.09

dear tourists: now that it’s july, throngs of you have invaded san francisco in polar fleece jackets, camera straps and khaki shorts. having been raised in a coastal new england community, i am decidedly patient with your cluelessly annoying quarks. but one daily event kills me a little bit inside, everytime. when riding the cable car, and the gripman shouts, “next stop, sacramento!” you need not giggle and repeat what he just said. we are not actually going to sacramento–merely sacramento street–and from what i’ve seen, he has no interest in humoring you.

07.05.09

dear napa: you set such a perfect stage for a day, that in addition to providing fine wines, a cloudless sky, gentle breeze, golden hills and ripe grapevines, the baby swans swim by as if on cue.

07.04.09

dear former president bush: i thank my lucky stars that your stolen terms are finally over, but your hair/fashion influences are still felt in the far corners of (in this case) calistoga.

07.03.09

dear hybrid rental car: you were so disarmingly quiet, we did not know if you were on or off when we went into the store. eventually we assumed off. but your lights were still on when we came out 40 minutes later…

07.02.09

dear california: the fanciest flowers seem to grow so effortlessly beneath your blend of sun and fog.

07.01.09

dear olive trees: i intend to plant you in my backyard someday. alongside the lemon trees.

06.30.09

dear wicked: your set was wicked awesome!

06.29.09

dear birds: can you read this sign?

06.28.09

dear family builders: once again, we made a fab lgbt adoption float for sf pride!

06.27.09

dear mcdonald’s: as an ardent hater of eggs, i find this giant greasy egg sandwich billboard you put up in my neighborhood offensive. it gives me the heebie-jeebies every time i walk beneath it. i look up expecting to see the sun, but instead am confronted by my gag reflex in reaction to the image of a chicken placenta molded into a disc. it reminds me of the grossness that i have to endure when people eat these stinky things in my presence, especially after a night of drinking. seriously, why would anyone eat this?!?!

06.26.09

dear plastic bead necklaces: we have 10,000 of you to hand out in the gay pride parade, nearly all of which will eventually end up in the ocean.

06.25.09

dear mixt greens: thank you for pointing out to me via the sentence on the table, that your furniture is made from recycled materials. too bad your salad was so huge that 2/3rds of it went in the trash!

06.24.09

dear dave, part ii: i snuck this snapshot of your face study. it made me miss drawing.

06.23.09

dear anal retentive landlord: a few years ago, i decided you were redonk when you addended our lease–with a clipboard–requiring us to use it when signing credit card receipts for food delivery (so as not to scratch the woodwork in the hall.) but your latest stunt takes the cake. i assumed the white powder you sprinkled on the sidewalk around the exterior of our building was indicative of the seasonal ant invasion–but no, you said–it’s ajax. to “prevent animals from sniffing the building and urinating on it.”

06.22.09

dear sheese: at first i assumed you were sheep’s milk cheese, but then i saw the whole dairy-free label. what does the “s” stand for? soy?

06.21.09

dear true blood: you have glamoured me into your lore – i live/die for sunday nights when new episodes are on.

06.20.09

dear sonoma county: maybe i should quit my day job and become a winemaker.

06.19.09

dear roscoe the jack russel: you were zipping around the room so fast, the only part of you i could capture was your mood indicator.

06.18.09

dear… ¿protesters?: ok, you got my attention by playing dead on the sidewalk and having men with machine guns standing over you, but i still don’t know what you were protesting. you need to work on clarity of message.

06.17.09

dear peet’s: thank you for always remembering what my drink is!

06.16.09

dear mission live/work corner unit loft: should i buy you? the solar-powered taco truck parked out front is a selling point, purely for its kitsch factor!

06.15.09

dear dog, cat and rat guy: while everyone else stares, marvels, oohs and ahhs at the circus tricks of your three pets who live one on top of the other, i can’t help but notice how lonely you are.

06.14.09

dear grunge effects: maybe it’s just that you never went away, but your hand-drawn text, ironic/noncommittal imagery and forcefully destructed texture treatments have reemerged into mainstream graphics. in the 90’s, (when i was in high school) such techniques appealed to me so much that i decided to become a graphic designer. so now that we have come full-circle, does that make me old? how many iterations of “grunge” will my skills be called forth to cater to in my lifetime?

06.13.09

dear san francisco school of massage: shouldn’t you have a model of human muscles, not bones?

06.12.09

dear san francisco: everyone but the fog seems to be getting the memo that summer is here.

06.11.09

dear discarded balloon bunch: after seeing the movie up, i can’t help but feel like someone just threw away their hopes and dreams.

06.10.09

dear house i want to live in on nob hill: i wonder what a 2br unit costs in this building?

06.09.09

dear acrophobia: there’s a job that i can say with certainty, i will never have.

06.08.09

dear daily grind: returning to work from vacation was alleviated by the use of my new russian doll bag, designed by applecart. that, and the fact that my missing copy of pride and prejudice was awaiting me in a package on my desk.