12.07.09

dear gryffin: until we bring you back to san franciso, this will have to do. you are the cutest puppy ever!!!

12.06.09

dear sonoma valley: love the persimmon trees this time of year!

12.05.09

dear holiday cards: i get all into filling you out for like the first six. then, boredom.

12.04.09

dear office christmas tree: the healthy penis santa completes you.

12.03.09

dear zog dogs’ hotdog stand: mad props for “the prop 8 dog.” two zog dogs on one bun. the more love the better - the more hot dogs the better.

12.02.09

dear seacliff: loving the sunsets.

12.01.09

dear macy’s spca windows (again): are you kidding me?

11.30.09

dear flood building: once again, you wow me with your cheesy yet detail-oriented and awesome lobby decor.

11.29.09

dear gg bridge: still not tired of looking at you.

11.28.09

dear mini xmas trees: which one of you will come home with me today?

11.27.09

dear rocky: did we really need a pancake breakfast the day after thanksgiving?

11.26.09

dear pilgrims: our thanksgiving was way more gluttonous than yours.

11.25.09

dear king tut: you are being redefined in local antique shops.

11.24.09

dear hoochified mrs. claus pirate wench: frederick’s of hollywood was never intended for day wear.

11.23.09

dear baby animals: you represent my favorite time of year commute-wise – when macy’s has the sfspca holiday windows!

11.22.09

dear everybody: this beach is a 5-minute walk from my new apartment.

11.21.09

dear comcast: six years ago, you installed internet service at my old apartment. as part of this installation, you left a small plastic modem plugged into our wall.

with our recent move, you told me that modem was now obsolete, and that you would bring me a new one. however – you said – i must return the old modem to your headquarters or be charged $5 a month indefinitely. well, can i just give it to the guy who comes to install the new service, i asked. no, said you. you must come in person.

frustrated and without a car or time during business hours to spindle around the maze that is potrero hill (where your “headquarters” are located) i called your customer service representatives seeking a mailing address. i waited on hold (at work) for 40 minutes and then had an argument with someone about the fact that i work during the day and cannot get to potrero hill. in the end, you agreed to mail me a “box” to ship my modem back in. i thought this was the end of this ordeal, but no. two weeks went by (and $2.50 more on my bill) with no box. then i get a ups notice that i “missed” a delivery. well of course i missed, it – as discussed, i have a job and am not home during the day. so couldn’t they just leave it? no. well then, reroute it to my office? no. three more “missed delivery” notices and finally, it must have been my neighbor who signed for the package.

which was an empty, torn and crushed box that i must tape back together and bring to ups to mail back to you.

11.20.09

dear electric blue sheets: i guess this is what i get when, in effort to not spent $378, i order two sets of “sea mist” pottery barn sheets online on clearance. so much for my idea of an organic-feeling, beachy-neutral calming color palette in my bedroom.

11.19.09

dear neighbors: i wonder what my new terrier is going to think of your over-manicured grass tufts when i walk him across your lawn.

11.18.09

dear 2010: i love, love, love my new calendar. so much so that i already hung it up in my studio, just waiting to reveal its clever typographic riddles.